How do you love yourself

*Disclaimer. This is a ranting post. Not to seek attention or whatever you people think. Just saying before you judge me. If you're not interested in reading complaints or if you're out to condemn me please skip this post. *

Why do i have to be born this way? I fucking hate myself. There's not one single likeable thing about me i swear. Like what's there to love right? I don't understand why i have to be reminded by the world every single fucking day about how useless and untalented i am. Every time i look around i see everyone with such special assets and i'm just here like meh...

Why can't i dance or sing or draw like them? God why don't i have any gifts? Why am i so slow to learn and just way dumber than everyone around me? Why does everyone always understand their work so fast and i take forever to understand? Why do i have to be so boring? Why do i have such an ugly laughter? I'm not that sweet nice girl that everybody likes. I'm not.

Short. Fat. So little hair. Round face. Fat thighs. Big nose. Big forehead. Bad complexion. Small boobs. I MEAN WHAT DO I HAVE. REALLY? I hate it when other people tell me "OMG please you're not fat at all." Of course most people would say that. You don't see what i see. I mean you've never seen me standing in front of the mirror in just my undergarments just staring at all that bulging fats. You've never seen me trying so many outfits just so that i can find the right one to cover the fats.   You don't get to see how i look after i remove all the makeup.

I don't bloody care about those people who say i can't accept myself and be happy for who i am cause there are people worse than me. Fuck you. I don't like myself and that's not your problem is it? I know a lot of people will tell me if you don't like this and that just do something about it. But how do you know i've never tried? Also, you can't change everything. Unless of course plastic surgery which i'll never have the balls or money to do.

It's hard to love yourself when everyone else is better than you in every single way possible.

I'm sorry if i made you unhappy by reading all this rants, vulgarities and what not. Or if i offended anyone in any way possible. I really don't have anywhere else to vent my anger and feelings properly.  If you don't like what you see, don't see la? Just shut up about it and move on with life.

Kay gonna go study now and shit because i'm always the one that has to go the extra mile just to be on the same level as others.

Freshie day 0

OMG i CANNOT believe 5 months of holidays have passed so fast and school is in less than 12 hours... 

Tonight i expect myself to sleep with doubts and worries yet with a tint of excitement. Hopefully i make the "right" friends this time round. Try not to be awkward and what not okay beatrice?

Here's to THREE years in poly

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It wasn't how you thought you should be

I read this some where online and it really hit me. Just wanted to share a certain part of it with all the girls out there.

"Your body is your home. It is where you belong, a place you should feel safe. It is not a temple designed so that other people seek something in it. It does not exist to for the sole purpose to be admired and praised.

If a man makes you feel like you are worth no more than your body, put your shoes back on and walk away. If he, at any point, makes you feel like your body isn’t good enough for him, he doesn’t deserve to see it, clothed or unclothed. Button up your coat and catch a train home. Don’t ever let someone put their hands on you because it’s easier than pushing them away. If a man makes you feel like you can’t say no because you’ve already said yes, slam the door on your way out and make sure he never sees you again. You are allowed to change your mind.

Your body is not a thank you card for a nice dinner. It is not a currency or a bargaining chip exchanged for love and kindness. It’s your home and yours alone, and you decide who you share it with, and how you share it with them. It is the only true home you’ll ever have. Share it with one person or many people — as long as doing so brings you joy.

You will love yourself one day, and you will be loved for yourself, too."

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